Unsteady
by thefairywrites
Summary: She's lost almost everything from the war. She's lost, alone, and most of all, feeling unsteady. Is there any coming back from this?


Unsteady.

She supposed that could be the word used to describe the knotting of her stomach. Unbalanced. Shaky. Forever wavering between decisions—what made her feel right and what made her feel utterly wrong. The rickety feeling of the mental bridge she walked  
across on most days, her legs trembling with each and every step towards the other side where she prayed an answer may lie. There were no ropes on the sides, nothing to grasp onto when she felt like she might fall. Many times on her journey towards  
a decision there would be pieces missing, her foot would slip through and she'd falter—giving up and backtracking to safety, once again too afraid to cross, afraid she'd fall again into the black pits of despair.

At night she'd lay in bed, deep in sleep, back on that bridge in her nightmares once more. It seemed that was when her mind preferred to make decisions, and she supposed she favored that over it haunting her during the day like it used to—like it had  
once the war had ended.

Often she'd be crossing, and when she'd slip through one of the cracks, visions of those lost during the battles would appear—reminding her of her wrong judgments. Though, it was strange, when their faces would pop up their expressions held no hate, perhaps  
one could even express it as a sympathetic demeanor.

The nightmare would start off as usual, she'd be walking across the bridge, begging for someone to hold onto—to guide her towards the other side. Her heart would pound as she prayed to Mavis herself to come to some sort of conclusion. Then as if on command,  
a person's face would appear, their understanding expression very apparent as they watched each and every single step. She'd make it about halfway before her foot would slip through an unknown missing piece, and three words would echo throughout the  
pitch dark caverns of her psyche, "Keep moving forward".

These words would repeat themselves like a mantra, and she would contemplate continuing on, but then she'd remember those lost—she'd panic and turn around towards the safety at the start of the bridge. She'd never made it across, not even a single time.

Her evening started as normal, well as normal as her normal was. She'd just returned home after helping repair Magnolia since it was nearly destroyed completely from the war against the Spriggan and Zeref. It had been taking an awful long time, but it  
had proved to be a welcome distraction from the pain. She wanted to feel numb, she wanted the constant pain in her chest to stop, so she could feel normal again—though she knew that would be virtually impossible.

She walked into her bathroom, and walked up to the mirror to assess her appearance. Her once bright brown eyes, that once used to be filled to the brim with elation, were now dull and void of desire for anything. Dark circles had formed under her eyes,  
something she could easily hide with make-up if she wanted to, but why bother—not like she had anybody to impress. Maybe Happy, but even he rarely left the confines of her apartment. She shook her head to clear her thoughts for a few minutes before  
returning to her visual assessment of herself. She raked her slender fingers through her long blonde hair, picking the brush up from the side of the sink and bringing it to the knotted ends. The evening was the part of her day she dreaded the most.  
It was when she was left to her thoughts with little to zero distractions—just her, staring into the mirror and pointing out every single one of her flaws.

With every single stroke of the brush through her knotted strands, a new name would pop in her mind of someone dear she'd lost in her lifetime.

Gray; one of her best friends, _family_ , gone forever. She reached out desperately to pull him out of harms way, his eyes filled with panic as death loomed closer in the form of someone who he once considered a brother. Though even frightened, he  
remained steady, ready for what was about to come. He fought death head on, kicking and screaming hysterically, trying frantically to take his killer with him to the grave.

 _Brush._

Master Makarov; a man of great wisdom, someone who had quickly become a father figure when her biological one couldn't. She luckily hadn't been there to see it, but when the bright light flashed before her eyes and throughout the sky, she felt a sinking  
feeling deep in her chest. She knew something terrible had happened. When she had reunited with Erza and had discovered what had transpired, she about threw herself into her scarlet-haired friend's arms pushing them to the ground—there they laid for  
hours, crying with each other.

 _Brush._

Momma.

 _Brush._

Papa.

 _Brush._

Aquarius.

 _Brush._

 _ **Natsu.**_

The brush clattered to the floor, and Lucy stared wide-eyed into the mirror before sinking into the fetal position, hands covering her eyes as the tears spilled down her cheeks. She heard the door squeak, signaling someone entering the bathroom, and the  
pitter patter of little paws on the floor. When the sound ended at her head, she had expected him to yell at her to move on, but instead she was met with a familiar smoky smell and the feeling of fabric being placed on top of her neck. Then as quick  
as the exceed had entered, he was gone, already back in her room. She knew what it was he had given her—Natsu's most prized possession, his gift from igneel. _His scarf._ She wrapped it around her neck, bringing it to her nose to deeply breath  
in whatever scent still lingered, allowing it to envelop her being.

She wanted him so badly. She wanted him to walk through her front door like the old days—hell, she would even take him crawling through the window and sneaking into her bed. She wanted him to steal her food and almost burn down her house, she didn't care  
what he did, she just wanted him back.

She didn't know how much she really needed him until he was gone. Not for protection, she didn't need a bodyguard, she so desperately needed him like the air she breathed. She needed him for stability, he was the rope railing, and when that rope was stolen  
from her grasp, she could no longer cross that bridge. She no longer had anything to hold onto, no one to keep her steady when the wind would blow the bridge from side-to-side. When the pieces were missing, she had nothing to grab, and there she'd  
fall down one of the holes and back into the darkness.

About a half an hour passed, and she had decided she was too mentally and physically exhausted at this point to shower. She'd wait until morning. She walked back out of the bathroom, leaving a light on to make sure the room wasn't totally dark, for fear  
that themonsters in her head would become a reality once more. Leaving the scarf wrapped around her neck, she quickly changed into her pajamas and shuffled to bed where Happy was already sleeping on the pillow by the window—the bright moon casting  
an ethereal glow on the snoring cat.

She sighed and peeled back the covers, crawling into the silky sheets and encasing herself tightly with the covers. Her stomach growled loudly, and she glanced over at Happy to make sure it hadn't woken him up. She had only then realized she had forgotten  
to eat that night, and unfortunately she often did. She groaned quietly, refusing to nourish herself now that she was in the warmth of her bed. She gripped the covers tighter to her form and shut her eyes, trying to will her brain to take her to dreamland.  
After a few minutes, her brain finally gave in, and her soft snores filled the room.

She glanced around the darkness, the familiar bridge in front of her once more. She breathed out deeply and stepped onto the first plank of wood, hearing it groan beneath her foot. Then another and another, and before she knew it she was in the middle,  
staring at the scattered missing planks in front of her. She closed her eyes for a moment and took a deep breath, taking another step forward. When one of the pieces nearly broke beneath her, she just about turned around and hightailed it back to  
safety, when a familiar voice reached her ears, "Lucy".

Her heart lurched in her chest at the voice calling her name. It'd never done that before. "Lucy", there it was again, so loud and so real and so _him._ She could almost see the grin plastered on his face, and she could feel the tears threatening  
to escape.

The bridge began to shake from a gust a wind, threatening to push her down into the pit. She fell to her knees, and she wanted nothing more than to crawl back to the beginning, where she knew safety lie. "Lucy", the voice called once more, much louder  
and much more prominent this time.

It was as if it was guiding her towards the light at the end of the bridge. She contemplated on following it, perhaps this was just another trick of the darkness in her mind. She wasn't sure what urged her to move forward, but the sound of Natsu's voice  
seemed to boost her confidence. Every time he called her name she was able to take a few steps forward, and when the wind would shake the bridge, she finally felt steady enough to hold on tightly. Just a few steps away, and the light was blinding  
at this point, it was as if the heavens themselves were trying to pull her in towards them. "Lucy!", he shouted this time.

With that, she was able to gain the resolve to walk those final steps to the other side. She did it. She finally crossed the bridge, and when she stepped into the light she could feel her strength returning to her, the warm feeling wrapping her tightly  
in its embrace.

Her eyes opened and she was back in her room, still under the covers, but she was sweating profusely. She needed some air, she felt like she was about to melt. She attempted to push the covers back, when she realized her arms were restricted. She kicked  
the covers away, the cool air of her room finally hitting her skin, and she breathed out a sight of relief. It was short-lived though, when she remembered her predicament. The familiar smoky smell hit her first, and she assumed it was the scarf still  
wrapped around her neck, but it was far too strong to be just that—far too potent to be anything he used to own. She glanced down to see a pair of arms cradling her snugly, allowing little room for escape. Her breath hitched at the sight, afraid it  
was just a figment of her imagination and her brain was playing tricks on her again.

She wiggled frantically, trying her best to maneuver around to face the nighttime intruder. When she finally got to the point of being able to see the person, she couldn't believe her eyes. The male's breaths fanned her face, pushing her bangs away. His  
spikey salmon hair, flattened from the pillow beneath his head. Tears began to push their way out of her eyes as she took the opportunity to run her hands along his jawline, feeling the warmth of his smooth skin before moving to hold his face. She  
leaned forward and pushed her forehead against his, their noses squishing together in the process. A tear rolled down her cheek, landing onto his own, causing the dragon slayer to stir from his sleep. She watched nervously as his eyelids fluttered  
open, revealing his steely irises that she had missed so much. "Lucy", he mumbled, a smile growing on his face.

Her big brown eyes remained trained on his, afraid that if she didn't he'ddisappear. She felt him remove an arm from around her to bring a hand to hold her chin. If she hadn't been staring into his eyes, she may have missed the tears starting to  
form in his own, and the utter look of relief he held to see her in one piece. She was a sobbing mess at this point, and she finally released his face from her hands to hug him tightly. "Where did you go?", she asked through the tears, little hiccups  
escaping here and there, "How could you leave me and Happy?"

She felt the teardrops wetting her shoulder, and she knew he missed her just as much as she missed him. He didn't respond, he merely just clutched her tighter to his body. After a few minutes they were able to regain at least part of their composure,  
and he pulled away to look at her face. He breathed out deeply, "I almost died that day. When that ice sword pierced through my stomach, I could feel my insides twisting with each time he stabbed me—", he started, and she stared at him with wide-eyes,  
"I remember laying there bleeding out, staring at the sky, praying to die already. I just wanted the agony to end. It was when I blacked out and I thought I was dead, that I heard a voice speaking to me."

"Do you wanna know what it said to me?", he asked, and she nodded, "It said, 'Keep moving forward'. That's all it said, but it would just keep repeating it every single time I felt like giving up."

The tears were threatening to spill from her eyes once more, and shegripped his shoulders. "I kept dreaming of this angel—", he began hesitantly, "—She was beautiful, all dressed up in this fancy white gown, a golden halo, and these giant wings.  
I swear, even Happy would have been jealous. She was the one who kept repeating this phrase to me, almost like a mantra of some sort. Eventually I got the will to move, to save myself from falling into death's clutches. I am thankful for that angel  
every single day of my life."

She buried her face into his chest, andwrapped her arms around his waist. "I'm thankful for that angel too.", she mumbled, letting his scent lull her close to sleep.

Natsu chuckled, "Do you know who the angel was, Luce?"

Her heart lurched happily at the sound of that nickname, a small smile playing on her lips, "Who was it?"

"It was you—", he hugged her head tightly, "—You were the angel. So I thank you with every fiber of my being."

He smiled when heheard her soft snores, signifying she had fallen asleep. "Sleep well, Luce", he mumbled, falling into a deep sleep as well.

She opened her eyes, and she was back in front of the familiar bridge once more. She wanted to cry out to the heavens to end this, but when she felt a warm hand grip her own, she gained the courage to take the first steps onto the bridge. She looked over  
to see the grinning face of Natsu next to her, guiding her across the bridge with ease and holding her close when it got particularly breezy. She was no longer afraid to cross to the other side, and for the first time in a while _she finally felt steady._


End file.
